Epic Merriment

What Mary Needs

2009-04-01T22:56:00.004-04:00

So my good bloggin friend Skippy posted an interesting blog.....so you go to Google and type in your first name + Needs. So I typed in "Mary needs" and here are some of the hits that I got. It is just a sampling of over 144 million hits, apparently I may be needier than I thought....you be the judge.

"Mary needs to be slapped for this" (probably)

"Mary needs shadows" (like peter pan)

"Mary needs to focus on D" (D=defense for you non-sport inclined types)

"Mary needs the Lamb in School" (finally someone wrote about that dang poem!)

"Mary needs a sheet of paper" (so i can wad it up and play fetch with my cat)

"Mary needs therapy" (likely....but don't judge me...you probably need it too)

"Mary needs some building materials" (indeed!)

"Mary needs to learn the rules" (there are no rules)

"Sexy Mary needs attention on her feet" (that one is my favorite and the most true)

"Mary needs 75 pounds of a 44% nut mixture" (yes, yes I do...how did they know that?)

"Mary needs a Joseph" (for my nativity?)

"Mary needs to get out and about more" (like to the dentist or like to a party?)

"Mary needs to pluck!" (nope...did that yesterday)

"Mary needs money for a room!" (sure....you paying?)

"Mary needs to toss more than her hat up into the air" (why, what else do you suggest I toss into the air?)

"Mary needs a glass of water" (true, always about a glass short of being hydrated)

"Mary needs to send him the appropriate bits to start with" (I apologize if I have your bits....I took them not knowing you need them to start....call me)

"Mary needs nebulising with high dose bronchodilator" (only if I attemtp to go jogging or get chased)

"Mary needs to determine the best day to work her magic" (Oh shoot...was that today?!?)

"Mary needs to remember that the upfront cost of purchasing a property includes a stamp duty"
(I think we all need to remember that one)

"Mary needs a family that will be consistent, firm, and can help teach her how to manage her emotions." (hey family, I think you're inconsistent mushy poor emotional instructional support is just fine the way it is)

"Mary needs to climb" (enough said)

And the grand finale......get your cheesy 'eww gross' and barf reflexes ready....

"Mary needs You!" (Disclaimer: Depending on who you are that may or may not be true. You can contact me if you are unsure which of the two categories you fall into.)

Blog Post Complete. I'm Out.

Best Day Ever

2009-02-17T15:44:00.003-05:00

Have you ever lost something and had to completely write it off as a total loss because the complete and total sadness that you would endure if you held onto hope would be unbearable. If you've been alive longer than 3 years, it is likely that you have had an experience such as this. And then.....have you actually found that object after what seemed like all hope had been lost?

I DID!

See, I don't own a computer, because I'm always hauling around the laptop from work. Not wanting to keep all of my personal stuff and other work on the office network, I had it all on my external hard drive. And then i lost it. Gone into the abyss somewhere between Indiana and Colorado. After hours of searching and phone calls I had written it off. All of my pictures from the last 5 years....GONE. All of my music.....GONE. All of my instructor manuals, lesson plans and other work.....GONE. Basically all records of my life vanished with a fine "puff" into the atmosphere.

As I was filing my end of year paperwork, receipts and the like I ran across my car rental form from that fateful trip and remembered I hadn't called them....so with one last hope I dialed. Low and behold......Avis had my hard drive.....and apparently was going to toss it tomorrow because it had been held for its 30 day period. Today was the last day! They said they would have called but the person who found it in the vehicle didn't record which vehicle it came from so it just sat in their lost and found for 30 days. When she told me she had it and started listing all of the contents of the case I offered her my first born child and officially declared today, February 17th, 2009, the best day ever.

NOTE: While today was pretty dern tootin great, I do have greater aspirations for my future and hope that I have many days that can trump this one.

Golden Beast Update

2009-02-11T16:57:00.002-05:00

So apparently there is a cradel that holds the engine in a car. Well, true to the foreshadowing in the lullabye the cradel did fall. But in this case it is due to the two back bolts falling out rather than the traditional 'bow break'. So when the bolts fell out the cradel fell and the engine fell which pulled the steering mechanism out at which point I became, according to my mechanic "extremely lucky or blessed depening on your perspective" that my airbag did not deploy in my face. Awesome-town.

Breakfast....yum...try this one on for taste

2009-02-11T16:52:00.003-05:00

Onion and Potatoes diced real itty bitty - fry in bacon grease and season with ground mustard, garlic salt and pepper...oh yeah...until they are crispylicious. put aside. In leftover greases, throw in eggs (not pre-scrambled) and mix em up in the pan. When they are almost done pull it off the heat and add some cheese - any flavor. finish cooking in pan, off the direct heat....they will be perfecto. In the meain time i hope you toasted an english muffin and then thought to smear it with a sweetly flavored cream cheese. Slap that open faced onto your plate, top with the cheesey eggs and potatoe onion bits for a filling and deelichus treat.

Breakfast on!

The Golden Beast is Dying

2009-02-09T22:53:00.003-05:00

My steering whell spins like one of those plastic yellow ones on a playground attached to the post near the top of the slide. It gives the children the illusion that they have some sort of control over where the playground is going. Sort of like my car now. The steering wheel has been reduced to an illusion of control when in fact there is none. The steering wheel is no longer useful.

At least it happened in a parking lot at work rather than going 80mph on 465.

I am thinking the hunk of metal would make a great addition to a local scrap yard.

humph.

It's only 1:15 This Time!

2009-02-03T01:14:00.004-05:00

Just finished work for the evening....or shall I say early wee morning. That crazy conference program got finished today along with a bunch of other time consuming detail oriented brain shrinking tasks....but I think that at this point I did all of that yesterday. Regardless, things for the conference are coming together. Tomorrow is the last day before the mayhem begins. I normally wouldn't write in this blog bloggy bloggerson on the pre-eve of the most stressful week of my year, but my bedsheets are in the dryer otherwise I would be sawing logs like Paul Bunion...i bet he had big bunions. Though if I went to sleep right on the matress pad with no sheets and naked pillows, it certainly wouldn't be the first time.

So here are some of my late night thoughts:
1. I should buy stock in coffee. I don't care what kind, but preferably something good...not that horrible instant crap.
2. coffee should officially replace the long lost gold standard. Anyone who disagrees with me is not my friend and probably isn't reading this anyway.
3. I ate generic fruit loops for dinner tonight at 10:30pm. I think that is only marginally pathetic and only slightly worse on the sad scale.
4. I really like bacon. I think for lunch tomorrow I will get a BLT. Every time I get one I am extra nice to the people making the sandwich and I think they give me a little extra because I don't judge them for wearing hair nets.
5. Maybe I change my mind about the gold standard.....bacon might be a better choice.

God Bless my sleepy Soul, it's going to be a long week.

2am

2009-01-21T02:16:00.004-05:00

It's past 2am and I have finished my 3rd cup of coffee on the night. Working on the conference program - nitty gritty itty bitty details. Being pleasantly distracted by some random movie with Mat Damon being a lawyer. Snack Pack is in the mood to play fetch so he frantically chases the hot pink mouse that I chuck across the room and dutifully brings it back to be thrown again. At least my cat has some kind of dog-like trait.

Floody Friends

2009-01-19T19:32:00.004-05:00

Day Unknown - Unknown Real Estate Agent goes into house - turns heat to air - leaves house.
D-Day - 5 pipes break in house.
D-Day+1 - Water flows into house
D-Day+2 - Water flows into house
D-Day+3 - Water flows into house
D-Day+4 - Water flows into house
D-Day+5 - Water flows into house
D-Day+6 - Water flows into house
D-Day+7 - Water flows into house
D-Day+8 - Water flows into house
(SIDE NOTE - 8 days + 5 busted pipes = 119,000 gallons of water...which is 5 average in-ground family swimming pools)
D-Day+9 - Utility man checking meters see meter spinning, shuts off, leaves note on door.
D-Day+10 - Nothing Happens
D-Day+11 - Nothing Happens
D-Day+12 - Nothing Happens
D-Day+13 - Nothing Happens
D-Day+14 - Smoke alarm battery gets low, alarm goes off, neighbor calls realtor. Realtor sends minion to turn off alarm. Minion finds note on door, turns off alarm, calls Realtor....who is leaving for vacation.
D-Day+15 - Realtor calls Friend of the Homeowner instead of the homeowner, leaves message about note. Friend relays strange message to Homeowner.
D-Day+16 - Homeowner leaves NH for IN - Realtor officially on vacation.
D-Day+17 - Homeowner arrives in IN to soggy smelly home
D-Day+18-26 Homeowner boards pet dog, lives with friends in town that have cats - Homewner alergic to cats and sleeps outside (it's 20 degrees out)
D-Day+27-current Homeowner back in NH continues to play "how did this happen, what do we do now?!?"

Sadly this is real. Sadder it happened to the Vernons. Franks blog is surely to be about 10,000 words longer and more full of detail and insanity - but I find significant drama in the brevity displayed here, hopefully I got most of the facts right. The moral of the story - i'm not really sure.

To my dear sweet Vernons, I am sorry this happened to you, it was great to see you despite the circumstances, Frank I'm sorry you had to sleep on the porch even though I think you liked it, Katie I loved splitting the Weekend Special with you at the spoon over a side of the finest cut of bacon. I miss you both!

Bicycle Justice

2008-12-07T15:42:00.002-05:00

All of you out there who ride bikes - hear this and be pleased. It doesn't matter if you commute, tour, mountian bike, ride recreationally or competitively, you all know how 'difficult' some drivers find it to share the road.

This fall, Kim and I took a break from work to go for a 20 mile ride on the east side of Bloomington. Not two blocks from the Union we stopped at a stop sign and turned left. The woman to our right - going straight - was not pleased with our presence though we followed all traffic rules to a 'T'. She decided to race up behind us in her little sporty-mobile, get uncomfortably close, rev her engine and then pass us at a not-appropriate-for downtown-between stop signs speed. Then what to our wondering ears did appear but a "bwoop bwoop" from a motorcycle cop that had seen the whole thing. Lights and sirens came on and he pulled her over in the next alley. As we rode by he looked at us and motioned to confirm that we were ok. We gave him the thumbs up with smiles painted across our faces.

We got to the next stop light completely suprised and amazed at what had just happened. We decided that as a motorcycle cop he has perhaps some additional sypathy and protectivness over citizens on two wheels.

So all you non-bycilce riders out there, be kind to your cyclists - (yes, even the ones who do stupid things) because Bycicle Justice is real. I have seen and I believe.

2008-09-26T10:55:00.003-04:00

Apparently Kim snapped this shot right as I met little Snack Pack on the gravel driveway.

Precious.

That was before he bit me - thinking I was a Fig Newton.

ps. Newton is apparently a girl - a new name might be in order.

Snack Pack

2008-09-20T17:40:00.011-04:00

So......Jill, Kim, Beth, Cara and I participated in the Hope ride in Hope Indiana today. We rode 32.5 miles and the weather couldn't have been more perfect. I did end up with a delightful suprise in the end - a kitten! At the first rest stop - a farm - I happened upon a small skinny little kitten so I picked it up and it made itslef right at home on my shoulder. It sat there the whole time licking my face every once in a while and purring softly. They owner of the farm walked up and told me I could have the kitten - apparently Animal Control dropped it and 3 others off in hopes that a rider would fall in love and take it home. He offered me a fanny pack and said I could have it right there and then. I followed my better judgment and gave him the kitten back and said I might come back for it - there is no need to make an impulse decision and then have it scratch you through a fanny pack for 25 miles. I at least needed 25 miles of think-time before I made up my mind. I talked to Kim about cat integration with her Jamie and Kori - and we figured if worst comes to worse and he looked to much like a Snack Pack for the two big guys to keep away from (where his name came from) he would just be an outside cat or I'd give it to Flarity and Tristan for their 1st birthday. hehe. Cait i know you love that! So anyway, I decided yes - since I had an adequate backup plan and we drove back to the farm after we finished riding. The kitten was still there - and he had a brother - so lucky that Jill was with us and decided recently that she too wanted a kitten! So - we scooped up our respective and quite similar looking kitties and off we went - but not after the farmers wife gave the kittens Fig Newtons (where Newton's name comes from)- which they groweld while they ate trying to make sure that they were the only ones getting near those Newtons (they are currently half starved). So we stopped at CVS on the way home and picked up some kitten food - swung by target and gathered necessary accountraments and then proceeded with ear cleaning, claw clipping and bathing - which was fun for all. Thank goodness they were malnourished and didn't have enough energy to fight us for that part. I'm kidding - sort of. So now Snack Pack and Newton are upstairs sleeping in the bathroom. The bathroom will be Snack Packs new home until he gets his vaccinations and shots - no playing with the other kitties till thats taken care of - oh yeah - and he has to get his neuter on as well. So the story goes - I now have a kitten named Snack Pack, which will turn into a cat, which I will have for 12-16 years. Wish me luck! (and Jill too!)

Newton on the left - Snack Pack on the right freshly bathed, napped, fed and with their way-too-big collars! How cute!

Almost forgot about Hawaii...silly me.

2008-09-10T22:08:00.008-04:00

Before we get to Alaska, let me I spent a few days in Hawaii on the Island of Kauai. It did not suck.

I spent three days teaching a Wilderness First Aid cours at the Kauai community college. The weather was actually much like in indiana - only slightly 'scorchier' on the flesh in direct sunlight.

After the course I spent one day walking the beaches on the east and north coast and scrambling over the lava fields when the sand ended. To say the waves crashed is a bit of an understatement. Check out the video below, it's a little shaky because I probably would have been crushed up against the lava walls in the cave if I had slipped and fallen in. I never cease to be amazed by the power of water.

I swam in the Queens bath where I discovered sea cucumbers and napped and swam at the Haena State Park where the the water was clear and calm - great for snorkeling (very top picture). I didn't get a picture of the queens bath - you'll have to look it up online or just go visit it yourself! And yes, these flowers just happend to be laying in a beautiful pile on the beach.

Before I hopped on a red eye home I ate at the Blossoming Lotus for world class Vegan dinner. Deeeeleshious.

It was a quick trip - too quick, but for my first time in Hawaii I can't complain!

I hardly took any pictures and to prove it was me there and not some stolen pictures off the web........may i present to you.....my feet.

(katie vernon - this post is for you)

Homer or Bust!

2008-07-19T12:39:00.005-04:00

T minus 3(ish) days until we arrive in Homer. woot woot.

We'll be flying there with a cat

I hear there's no such thing as too much fun.....we'll test that theory.

Sleeping Outside - Status Update

2008-07-17T11:53:00.007-04:00

My sleeping outside plan is going quite well. The original idea was to sleep outside once a week....now I only sleep inside about once a week. It is about 10-15 degrees hotter upstairs in my no-cross-breeze bedroom than it is outside. I have however moved into the screened in porch area instead of the wide open. There are plussitives and negatrons to the screened in sleep maneuver

Plussitives

Rain is a non-issue
The cats don't stare at you meowing through the screened in porch all night
Insane and possibly possessed backyard racoon clan is kept at bay
Kitties are cuddly
less bugs

Negatrons

Racoon barrier is only a thin piece of screen
Kitties are obnoxious when not sleeping
Can't see the stars
No dew making me soggy and encouraing me to get up..easier to sleep in

So, for now, Paco and me will keep on keeping on in the screened in porch. And, the homeade sleeping bag is working out quite nicely. (word to frank vernon - custom gear guy/teacher extraordinaire).

Trapeze Camp - The good, the bad and the painful

2008-07-15T18:22:00.008-04:00

Never knew I could do the upside-down splits!

Not Too Shabby....

This hurt, real bad.

If you ever have a chance to Trapeze - you must absolutly positively try it....dont forget to let go.

Multisensory Alarm Clock - goodbye 'low beeps'

2008-06-22T08:33:00.005-04:00

Maybe it was the completely perfect weather last night, but I think I am going to start sleeping outside. At least for now it is nice outside, but I am going to, for a year, sleep outside at least one night each week. My hypothesis is that sleeping outside will solve all of my problems. Well, ok, not all of my problems, but at least one of them. I have the amazing gift - of staying in bed - way too long. Sleeping outside just gets you up. Between the sun, the birds, the dew - it is like a multisensory alarm clock. It is just too easy to integrate my cell phone alarm of 'low beeps' into my dreams, just ignore it, or turn it off. But you can't turn off nature - it scoffs a the idea. Yes, this is idyllic at this point. Not to worry, I've spent my fair share of nights sleeping outside and fully understand what that can entail. The humidity will come, the bugs will come, the rain will come, the critters will come, and then the cold will come. But that is ok. I wont be giving up my bed for good. Just once a week - more if it's nice out. If nothing else, a little discomfort every now and again, will likely make me appreciate my bed just that much more.

2008-06-17T12:14:00.003-04:00

It is absolutely beautiful outside. Perfect temperature, low humidity, sunny skies with puffy clouds....if only every day were like this (sigh).

Alas, if things were always perfect, we would probably lose our appreciation for their perfectness. Bless you rain and heat, bless you.

Goethe

2008-06-05T09:45:00.002-04:00

Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, the providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that never otherwise would have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could hav dreamed would have come this way. Whatever you can do or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.

Public Struggle on a bike

2008-06-03T15:05:00.003-04:00

So I've started cycling. It all started with an impulsive purchase of a Fuji Newest road bike. I hadn't ridden a bike since middle school and there I was 24 years old and riding a skinny two-wheeled machine with more gears than I knew what to do with; terrified of a seemingly inevitable abrupt encounter with the concrete screaming beneath my feet. Not so worried for my safety, it's just that the bike is worth more than my car. Enough said.

Here are a few things I have learned the "fun" way.

1) Shoes offer protection.....from jumping rocks - the kind that fly up from under the dump truck that just passed you. Nothing like a 30 mph rock pinging the end of your big toe. Gotta ditch the chacos....

2) ...and get clipped in.......so my feet stay on the pedals while shifting gears, going over uneven pavement or swerving to miss the most recent roadkill - particularly when wet out. Having your feet randomly ejected off your pedals, while going downhill at remarkably frightening speeds, like they had no business trying to be there in the first place, is an experience I would like to eliminate.

3) Those downhills with remarkably frightening speeds - only become frightening when they are so long and you are going so fast you have time to actually think about your skin peeling off of your body if you wipe out.....and then you see the inevitable deathtrap turn covered in gravel approaching and you hope to all things holy that your brakes work.....and work fast.

4.) "Public Struggle". You've seen it.....the cyclist that is halfway up a monster hill, riding on a 10 inch shoulder as you drive by them and can see them wincing as they barely move - really.....are they actually moving forward? Yes, this is a humbling experience.

Looking forward to more "fun" learning.

Blog Blogger Bloggerson

2008-04-04T09:56:00.000-04:00

I am now, officially a Blogger. I have joined the millions of people out there typing away with great fervor pouring their thoughts and musings into the nether-regions of the universe. The frequency of coming posts will be determined solely on the ability for blogging to capture my racoon-esque attention span. Easily distracted by shiny things and food I make no promises.

As I mused to myself wondering what in all of the high heavens I could call my blog I ended up with Epic Merriment. Epic because my life is quite amusing...at least to me, my friends, family and any bystanders that witness snippets of my existence. And Merriment, well because I am a merry mary that's why. Put them together and it is simply a reminder for me to, strive to find joy in the people and places around me no matter how epic things may get.